Separated children need these two things
Unfortunately, this is a topic that you have to talk to parents about time and again in the paediatric practice: How do parents deal with separation or divorce? What do you need to bear in mind to minimise the impact on the child?
Over the years, I have (unfortunately) gained a lot of experience in this area. This has resulted in two main messages for parents:
Message 1: A child loves its mother. A child loves its father. And nothing unsettles a child more than having the feeling that one parent is being portrayed in a bad light (by the other). Children can't deal with that at all. That's why my message is: never talk badly about the other parent in front of the child. You are welcome to meet up with your friends and talk about your ex-partner because you may need to vent sometimes, but please don't do it in front of the children.
Message 2: Children are routine animals. Children need reliability. There is no one and only model for how children are divided up in a separation. Whether it's one week mum and one week dad, dad every other weekend, etc., it doesn't matter. Anything that works is fine. But it has to be reliable. It has to be reliable. There's nothing worse for a child than knowing that dad is coming on Wednesdays at 2pm - and then suddenly he doesn't turn up. Or he arrives unexpectedly on Tuesday at 4 pm, which the child doesn't expect. The same applies to mum, of course.
Let me summarise: No matter how stupid, stressful, difficult your situation is as parents in separation. Two points are important: Keep your partner's image high in the child's mind. Because the child needs a great dad and a great mum. And be reliable and clear in your agreements. Because the child needs a clear framework for everyday life.
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