Dealing with death and grief
When there is a bereavement in the immediate family, parents often have many worries and uncertainties about how to deal with their children in this situation, in addition to their own grief. Doc talked to Gabriele Schmidt-Klehring, who has been offering bereavement counselling for children and young people in Schorndorf for over 20 years, about what needs to be considered.
If a family is facing a bereavement, for example because a relative is seriously ill, it is important to involve the children at this early stage. They notice when something is wrong or the mood is tense and sad. During this time, parents have the opportunity to explain to the children what is about to happen and to convey to them that the sick person will not get better.
You can also ask the children whether they know what could happen in such a case - they are very likely to think about it anyway. And they should also be involved because otherwise they can become unsettled, which has a negative effect on the trust between parents and child. If they are not given any information, they build up fears that can be worse than the reality. In short, honesty is key.
When the death has occurred, the direct involvement of the children is also important. They should know what to expect. They should be told honestly what to expect and what a funeral is all about. That it can be beautiful in one way, but that they will meet a lot of sad people. They should also be allowed to decide for themselves whether they want to go to the funeral or say goodbye to the deceased in a certain way.
Children have a lot of creativity in this respect, which should be supported: they can draw pictures, prepare flower arrangements or similar. Saying goodbye is also a good way for children to better understand death and finiteness. It is a turning point in their lives, which will continue without the deceased in the future. They should realise that death is sad, that the family is sad, but that their lives will go on, that they can go on and that they can be happy again.
Even if the child is still crying weeks after the funeral, the parents should be able to bear it. They can support their child by talking to them and showing them that it is okay to cry and that it can do them good.
Children's grief groups can also help. They can meet peers who have had similar experiences. Some children also attend a grief group for longer. This is a more subliminal form of support once a month for children who have to cope with the loss of a person or even an animal. They then realise that they are not alone. Because in their normal environment, there are few people who are in a similar situation. With the help of creative forms of expression, e.g. pictures or stories, children can talk about their experiences and find their own way of grieving. It is also important that the dead are remembered and talked about, as children are often afraid of forgetting them.
Conclusion: The top priority is honesty. Grief should also be allowed. As a parent, you have to put up with it when your child is sad. A creative approach to death can help children to deal with grief.
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